For years I have tried hard to remain, in my own little world, as unattached within my means, that I was a free-er bird than many people I know could ever afford to be. But my world is a small one, and "everyone else" actually means very little in reality. It is true that I have lived in a couple other countries more compared to the average person, but internally I am so bounded to my own values and beliefs that I have trouble accepting other cultures and practices. I am unfortunately more closeminded than I ever hoped to be, and that is not something that could be changed easily.

But how I wish I could change, and let all those values that I see as valuable not tie me down the way that they do. How I wish to be truly carefree, unbound, and loose from all worries. What does it take to become that way?

And instead I run from my problems, day after day, week after week, month after month, and finally, year after year until none of them can be resolved.

Personality is what makes and ruins a person. And at this moment I re-realize that, ignorance truly is bliss.

I'm sick.  Thought it was the flu because the symptoms were very sudden, but it could just be a bad cold.  Lots of phlegm ... super raw and sore throat ... couldnt really make out any sounds this morning.  So after much contemplation, I decided to call in sick.  There goes $100 >.<.

Tina was nice enough to take me to the doctors, get me some really cool throat drops, and buy me breakfast.  I owe her a nice Christmas present. 

Slept till 4 pm and finally decided to get some dinner/lunch so I can take the meds again.  Ended up eating a little too much (still eating atm) but I AM feeling better.  Can at least talk now.

Also, took out the garbage and all the empty glass jars to recycling for the first time today, since this will probably be my only chance to do so unless I decide to call in sick again on a Tuesday or Friday.  My room doesnt really look any cleaner, but at least I know that all the trash and recycling is gone. 

Now I'm thinking about doing laundry (back is a little better -- knock on wood!)

嗯, 他結婚了. 他真的結婚了.

Oh yeah.  He is twenty-one.  Too bad that ...

Too bad.

I had a dream about someone I haven't dreamed of in a while, which was a bit of a surprise, since I haven't really thought of that person in a while, either. 

Woke up from the dream and had the urge to look him up in facebook.  What I saw was very obviously different from what I dreamed.

Reality is almost never what you want it to be ... I keep on getting told again and again, in all sorts of different ways.

I also dreamed of Hastings, and how I went 'round and 'round south house but couldnt find my Y class.  Hopefully won't have that problem today.

Amen.